You know, my first taste of America was gained through watching TV shows like Dynasty and Beverly Hills 90210 and reading Judith Krantz novels

The White Trash Series

Vivian Darkbloom

You know, my first taste of America was gained through watching TV shows like Dynasty and Beverly Hills 90210 and reading Judith Krantz novels. Well, first taste metaphorically speaking of course. Literally speaking, well… that didn’t happen till college. The joy of all-women’s institutions…

But I digress.

Due to such askew portrayal of American life though, I was sadly unprepared for reality. What, no teenagers driving Boxters? No mink-clad housewives looking for a little R&R in the arms of Pablo, the cabana boy? Not in my neck o’ the woods, sugar.

What I recommend should be done to remedy this discrepancy, is introduce each new immigrant to charms of life in the US by making them read Viv Darkbloom’s "White Trash Series". I mean, honestly. For those moving to the nether parts of the country – it’d be a face-value introduction to all things hick. For those moving to more… worldly areas of the US, well, it’ll make them truly appreciate their tiny, overpriced apartments in some sprawling metropolis. Expect the worst and hope for the best, another lesson learned from watching 90210.

For those of you who were actually ‘born and raizd’ here, well you must know all about Viv then. No? Well then. Let’s review:

One hick-town trailer park, USA
One reformed criminal/arsonist cum firefighter with blazing blue eyes, long dark hair and buns of steel.
One blonde, green-eyed spunky factory worker with a loser ex-fiancée and pregnant younger sister.
One crazed platinum blonde whose house burned down under not-so-mysterious circumstances, one pot-head, tree-hugging mother, one Raashian ex-lover, one big guy with a heart of gold and his smaller curly-headed friend, and a band of Amazons.

… Yeah, I think I got everything.

Add to that cheap beer induced puking, rug burns, acid-washed jeans and cheese-dip, and you got yourself a Darkbloom series that’s a cross between Absolutely Fabulous, South Park, and, well, Xena. This is one of those cult, holier-than-thou kind of creations. All the rest of us can hope to do is emulate. And appreciate, of course. Have a Bud for Viv.

The White Trash Series