Lizzy Tendre



Ha-haaaa! Hah! Haa! Ha-ha!


Here’s a question for you – if you could make one character out of *any* uber story you read come (heh) to life, which one would it be?

One of Penumbra’s characters? (you sick puppy, you)

A medieval princess? (er, no thanks, Rapunzel)

Dar or Kerry (yawn)?

A prison guard (mmm…)? A lawyer? An FBI agent? A drug lord? Your own cowgirl? An accountant? (highly useful in real life, but – god, could you *be* any more boring?)

Well, since I asked this question not because I care about your answers, but as a segue into the recommendation of this story, let me now dawdle any longer than necessary. If, dear reader, there was one character, and one character only, I could make flesh and mould her body into pulsing suppleness out of the dried bed of written words (yeah, yeah…), it’d be Nellie "Hell’s Belle" Corrigan.

As uber-Gabrielles go (and come), this one is by far the most fun I’ve had (and please don’t take that literally) with a character. She’s a pig (a trait I find highly enjoyable in a woman), she’s crude, she’s lewd, she snorts coke and – most of all – she’s got a ‘hayseed’ accent! She’s also the First Daughter and a sack-full of pain in the ass (what an interesting sentence this is turning out to be) for Special Agent Zora Dexter who is in charge of security for the first brat.

Lizzy (I keep typing out her name with an "e", and then keep having to backtrack and correct it. Sigh. And they say it’s fun to have a gutter-mind…) is weaving out a story here that will not only make you want to buy a plane ticket to DC so you can go make out on the Capitol Lawn, but will almost make you find Republicans endearing. Almost. Well, okay, if not endearing, then it’ll definitely help put a spin on the way you view the current occupants of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave (for those of you born in this country, that’s the White House, folks). The story’s biting, it’s hilarious and – most of all – it’s smart. It’s also got a heavy load of illegal drug use, boozing and heavy petting, making it an all-around great read.

In addition, as per Miss Lizzy herself, the author understands the "sexual tension rules the world" concept, and has been able to avoid falling into the same pit into which both "Moonlighting" and "Exposure" have fallen. Namely – Nellie and Dex have gotten as far as they could without going all the way, and it’s working. The story’s excellently written and despite the style (about which I had a few reservations in the beginning – it’s faux-screenplayish), the characters are very nicely developed. Especially Nellie. Especially bust-wise.

Okay. I’m sorry. Mind focusing again. Okay. All better.

I just love it. Simple as that. This story brings out the tawdriest, most lewd and morally decrepit side of my personality (my personal Mini Me) – a momentous happening, since I usually only let it fully shine around full moon, after four beers and on an empty stomach (my co-workers don’t seem to enjoy my eyebrow wiggles, sinister chuckles and suggestive glances all too much).

Oh, I guess I should say now that there is also some character development and personal growth issues covered in this story as well, if you tend to linger on such inconsequential details, but who cares? It’s all about Nellie!

Ah, what do you know? You’re the type who enjoys cheesy romances, I can just see it. Bah! Go somewhere else! For those of us who are mature individuals, please proceed on to chapter one and what is certainly one of the best introductions of a character that I’ve read as of yet.